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Annabel Hannam gives dating advice

How To Start Dating Again After A Relationship Break Up

If you’ve come out of a relationship and it’s been a while since you were last dating, just how do you meet someone new and how do you start dating again after a breakup? The dating scene can be a minefield and these tips will help you on your way to start dating again.

1. Are you ready to start dating?
There really isn’t a set amount of time before you start dating again after a relationship break up – it’s different for everyone, your previous relationship may have been over for a while before it actually ended so you may feel ready quite soon.

Only you can tell whether you’re ready to take that step and start dating again and one of the best ways to know if you’re ready is if you feel that you would like to date and meet new people. Be kind to yourself and enjoy being single while you allow yourself time to heal. Be prepared that you might get hurt again in the short-term, do you feel strong enough to be able to cope with some disappointment along the way? Think of it as a journey to meeting ‘the one’.

2. Be positive
Understandably, you may well feel daunted and nervous about dating again after a relationship break up but it is so important to have a positive mindset. If you can feel positive, this will shine through in your manner and have a positive effect on the people you date and your relationships, and you will feel better too.

3. What are you really looking for in a partner?
Sometimes relationships fail because we keep dating the same type of person who just isn’t right for us. When looking for a new partner, the perception is often that there has to be an instant physical attraction. Of course you have to fancy them, but how much more important is it to meet someone who has shared values and makes you happy? These are characteristics that lead to a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Look at your last relationship and work out what did and didn’t work for you, write down a list of positive and negative characteristics of your ex partners. Now make a list of your core values. When you start dating again and meet new people instead of judging them on their looks you can see whether they have the values that you’re looking for.

4. Be realistic
It is of course important to have standards but if your expectations are too high, you are just setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Bear in mind that while you ideally would like to meet someone perfect, everyone, including you, is blessed with imperfections which actually add character, charm and individuality.

As we get older we seem to become more critical. I don’t want to meet someone who is divorced or who has children, or who is a certain age or height, when really the most important factor is how well you get on together. By setting rigid criteria, you are effectively limiting your options.

While it is important to keep in mind your list of core values, successful relationships require some give and take on both sides and it’s how someone makes you feel that matters.

Don’t expect too much too soon – while love at first sight is possible, it isn’t probable. Try not to write off a relationship before giving it a chance. That spark might not appear on the first date but as you get to know each other you may be surprised.

5. Be yourself
Be your wonderful self when you start dating and don’t try to be what you think the person is looking for. Don’t spend the whole date trying to impress the other person, try and relax and enjoy yourself. Remember not to spend the date talking about your ex! If it isn’t easy after a few dates the chances are it’s not going to lead to a successful relationship. Rejection means this one just wasn’t right for you, learn from the experience and move on. Being true to yourself will help lead you to finding your true match.

 

 

 

 

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